The Ultimate Act of Self Care – Letting Go of Your Need to be Loved
by Beth Collins
How would it change your relationships if you let go of needing others to love you? Think about it. What does someone have to do, say, or be in order for you to feel loved? While you’re thinking about that, consider this question – why would you give anyone that power? Lately I’ve been looking at self-love as my divine responsibility and while I’m discovering it takes a certain amount of spiritual maturity to do it, when I accept that responsibility the pressure is off everyone else to live up to my expectations. There is enormous freedom in that – for everyone.
Taking responsibility for loving myself is a practice, and there are painful reminders when I slip: I didn’t get the “at-a-girl” I needed for doing a good job; my husband doesn’t offer his appreciation for my contributions at home; my children don’t thank me for being an amazing mother; my friends disappoint me; or I didn’t get the warm and fuzzy “Walton” experience when I visited my family last Christmas. Letting go of needing any of that from someone else means:
- I look for ways to pat myself on the back – “loved the way you stayed calm when the s**t hit the fan today,” or “great job saying no when you really didn’t want to work on that committee.”
- I acknowledge the valuable contributions I make to others (to myself mind you, I have a list J)
- I ask for what I need. This is a tough one since actually asking for help goes against every fiber of a super woman still trying to convince herself she could or should be able to do it all.
- Perhaps most importantly, I make the decision that my happiness isn’t dependent on anyone else’s behavior. If I can pull this one off, I can show up just about anywhere and not be triggered by inappropriate behavior. The boss, the family member(s), the bad drivers on the road….
Okay I said it was a practice, but who doesn’t love a challenge? And when you challenge yourself in ways that help you grow spiritually life is never boring, it actually becomes an adventure. Letting go of my need to be loved, actually opens me up to receiving more of it. Try it and let me know how it’s going. I would love to hear from you!
Beth Collins, also known as your “Girlfriend on a Mission,” is reinventing our world, one woman at a time. She is an inspirational speaker, workshop and retreat facilitator, and the creator of Life in Manageable Pieces: A LIVE AND DIGITAL PROGRAM for women who are ready to live life on their terms. Beth is also the founder of Elizabeth’s House in Toledo, OH, where amazing women gather for the adventure of reinventing their lives.
Beth Collins, Girlfriend on a Mission