Dealing with grief is not a learned process.
Each of us deal with grief in our own way.
As my dad and I talked about after my mom’s passing, this is part of the circle of life. This is the part that hurts. Soon my parents 30th great grandchild will be born, to my daughter Abby and husband, James. This part of the circle is joyous.
Therefore, we each will move forward in our lives, the best we can, without Mom here physically. Especially Dad. Imagine being married for 70 1/2 years and now beginning a new way to live your life without your beloved spouse. Grief is dealt with inside of each of us, in our own way.
As I left Dad, yesterday, just shy of two weeks after Mom’s passing, I sobbed once again. You see, I am the only child out of the 5, that moved away from Toledo, Ohio almost 40 years. So, I have the honor to stay in our family home, I grew up in, when I’m there.
Furthermore, being with Dad each day and evening, to support him the best I could, was again my honor.
You see, as I’ve spoken of before, our very large family is composed of their 5 children, 17 grandchildren and almost 30 great grandchildren. Everyone loves Mom and Dad fiercely. All of the family members who live near Dad, are supporting him and rallying around him.
Because of this fact, it makes it easier for me to leave and come back to Minneapolis where my life is. As Dad said just this morning on the phone, when we said we missed each other, “You have your life to live and I have my new life to live.”
Grief come in waves of emotions for me. Knowing Mom is comfortable and happy in heaven, with her parents, brothers, my older brother, their first born, who passed away in 1952, and so many other family and friends, who passed on before her, helps me.
As a result of many of us helping go through Mom’s things, as Dad requested, for the two days after her funeral, Dad doesn’t have these things on his mind.
It was emotional for us, as we went through her things. Something that needed to be done at some point.
I have heard it said, whenever you do this, the emotions are the same. Whether it is right away as we all did, or later on. It’s never easy.
However, Mom’s funeral service was an array of many emotions. From laughter with stories of mom from several people and sadness for all of us who will not have her here physically anymore.
For me, I needed to hear the happy stories of my mom and how she was the “Energizer Bunny” for most of her life. It seems I had almost forgotten that part of Mom, since the last several times I saw her, she didn’t have the energy to do most things.
As you can see from the photos above, Mom was movie star gorgeous. As a little girl, salesmen would come to our door and ask for “the woman of the house”. We laughed at that. My mom always had such a youthful quality and look about her.
Lastly, I, my siblings and my dad, are dealing with our grief by recognizing the love, faith, and togetherness, my parents instilled in all of us.
One of Mom’s wishes was for us to continue our family traditions at the holidays. Dad will reserve the church hall for the upcoming holidays. As many as can, will be there, to carry on our precious family traditions and support one another.
So, grief is not a learned process, only it is a process we each will move through.
Here are 7 things to remember when dealing with grief:
With love and appreciation for all of your love and prayers for me and my family,
PS. Below is an older photo of me at 3 years old, Mom and my favorite brother Jimmy, (as he calls himself!).The other photo is more recent.