Living With Loss And Grief

Dealing with loss and grief is where I’ve been at since my wonderful Dad, Homer passed away.

 

First, I know how fortunate I am to have had the parents I had.

Because my dad was so ready to leave this earth and join my mom in heaven, that has helped.

I am humbled at the experiences my daughter Abby, and my husband Hale, and I had with him.

Caring for him 24/7 was our honor.

 

As I replay those times in my mind, I find the gratitude he had and I felt, as those days played out.

Dad was a man filled with faith, love, appreciation and kindness.

He displayed all of this over and over again, despite his body failing him the last couple weeks.

 

In contrast to his failing body, his mind remained sharp. Dad called the shots and made decisions right until the end.

He even called a family meeting with the 5 of us kids and our spouses, two days before passing.

This was after meeting with the Hospice chaplain and later on that day, our family pastor, Ruby.

 

Consequently, his wish to leave his summer home, and return to our 61 year family home in Toledo to die, came true.

 

As I’m walking through my loss and grief, I find it hits often. 

 

Since Dad chose to sit in his recliner for almost 7 days, in our family home, fully dressed, many didn’t know how bad his body was failing him.

He was a proud man who chose to sit and visit with so many people who loved him, in his living room.

Dad acknowledged hours before he passed away, peacefully in his sleep, how fortunate he was to visit with so many.

 

Additionally, as his breathing became harder with his congestive heart failure, we didn’t want him to suffer further.

Hospice nurses, the chaplain and social worker, all were such blessings.

As were the HomeInstead support workers the VA paid for.

Several family members, came to help us as well.

The meal train my niece organized was a God send for all of us surrounding Dad. No cooking was necessary.

 

Furthermore, my large, extended family banded together after Dads wonderful, honoring funeral, with a military 21 gun salute, to prepare his homes for sale.

 

There is loss and grief as well with our family home empty and on the market.

 

You see, since I am the only child that moved away from the Toledo, Ohio area, I got to stay at our family home many times each year.

Sleeping in the same bedroom I grew up in was a treat for me, as well as spending quality time with my parents.

 

This was the only home my children had over the years that remained, since they were born.

It’s not easy to put into words the grief and loss I felt as I walked out the door before flying back to Minnesota.

 

I know each of us who loved this amazing man, are grieving in our own ways.

At first I felt as if I were walking slowly through water. My daughter said the same thing.

 

As I continue to give myself grace, I finally felt like writing about all of this.

 

I have not spent a Christmas away from my Ohio family, except for 2020 during Covid.

 

Me, Hale, Abby and her husband James and kids, will fly back for 5 nights at Christmas this year. We have an Airbnb reserved close to the family home.

We will keep some of the traditions going the best we can.

 

Lastly, I want you to know the last conversation I had with my beloved dad.

I sat beside him in bed the night before he passed away.

I held his hand and told him I was so happy for him to soon be joining mom and all the others that passed before.

He had a a little smile on his face and he said, “I know”.

I told him I would miss him so much and thanks for being such a wonderful dad to me and grandpa to our kids and grandkids.

I love you Dad. He told me he loved me too.

 

With love and appreciation to all of you,

Connie