Grief, love and prayers as life feels heavy right now.
First, my grief is coming from the knowledge my dad, Homer, will not get any better.
Also, it’s getting harder and harder each day for him to breathe and function as he would like to.
Because Dad has so many people around him that love him, as well as the Hospice nurse’s, aides, chaplain, his HomeInstead helper, Gerry, I’m grateful.
Since my brother, Jim and his wife Brenda, live just two doors down, their presence is reassuring.
Other family members come on the weekends to help and support him.
Not being there with him is hard for me, only I know he’s in good hands.
Since Dad has had trouble sleeping lately, it’s been more stressful.
As I find myself feeling stressed, I need to turn to prayer and meditation.
My daughter, Abby, downloaded a Bible app to my cell phone to use with her kids if I’m watching them.
You see. they pick a Bible verse before bed each night.
She reminded me to use it for myself.
My sister Carol, says a prayer or Bible verse with Dad on the phone each night.
As she just started to share the Bible verse with me, she read to Dad that night, I have been reading that exact one as well.
My afternoon meditation is also extremely necessary for my well being.
Furthermore, as I have felt life being heavy, I find I am crying a lot.
When I was with Dad for the two weeks during his two out patient surgeries I felt I needed to stay strong.
Therefore, I didn’t allow myself to grieve and cry much, until I got home.
Running on auto-pilot was how I accomplished so many things. From lining up his procedures, then hospice, starting the long term life insurance policy claim with my two sisters, to everyday tasks.
When I was there with Dad, our in person talks about his life and eventual death, were precious to me.
Now as he’s so tired and the air quality and intense heat have kept him in his little home, things are very different.
Comparatively to even two months ago, Dad could walk either outside or drive himself to Home Depot, or Kroger’s, with his portable oxygen to walk almost every morning.
He has always valued exercise and has been consistent with it his whole life.
Now all he has is his peddler to keep some strength in his legs. Also, his 3 pound hand weights when he feels up to it.
As I read through what I have written here, it helps me process.
Yes, I know how fortunate me, my siblings, entire family and Dad’s church community, have been to have him for so long.
I also know it’s heart wrenching to know he’s suffering more right now.
Since we are a faith family, we are praying constantly.
Until the time Dad goes home to Jesus, I pray he doesn’t suffer. I pray he can sleep peacefully at night.
Who knows, he may rally and have lots more time here with us on earth.
Here’s the Bible verse Carol read my dad last night:
Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always. Give thanks for all circumstances. For this is God’s will for you in Jesus Christ”.
In the meantime, I thank all of you who are sending your love, prayers, hugs and blessings to my dad, Homer, me and our entire family.
With love and prayers,
Connie
PS. Below are photos of Dad from 2018 with my niece Alivia and January 2026 at our condo in Florida. I love his laugh and smile.
PSS. This is the last article I will send out for awhile. I’m flying to be with Dad tomorrow. (Friday, July 24th)
His breathing is getting worse and his lung needs drained more often. I’m guessing his left lung, without the permanent chest tube, is filling up.
He says he doesn’t want the procedure to put one in his left lung. Which means, it will be harder and harder for him to breathe.
Please say prayers for Dad, me and our family. Thank you.
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